Friday, October 16, 2015

My Baby in a Big Girl Bed

When did it become ok for our babies to grow up without permission. The struggles of a Mother are real! 

I was totally ok with Hannah our eldest daughter to grow and learn new skills and get bigger. But with Amelia being our last planned baby I am very reluctant to watch her baby years slip away. It has hit me like a ton of bricks. Every single time she grows out of something, infant size nappies, 000 sized clothes, the Jolly Jumper and now the COT!!! 

I am not ready for this!

A couple of nights ago when I started our bedtime routine Amelia went and climbed into the newly vacant single bed still in her room from when Hannah used to sleep there. She rested her head on the pillow and laid peacefully as she started to drink her bottle. Although everything inside of me wanted to scoop her up and put her in her cot where my baby belonged, I fought the urge and put my selfish feelings aside and allowed her to initiate the next transition in our journey, recognising that I can't hold her back if she feels ready to move on without me. 

I dusted off the safety rail once used by Hannah a long time ago and put it into position. Gave her a long hard cuddle and kiss goodnight and tucked her in for her first night in the big girl bed. I couldn't stop myself from going in a hundred times to just look at her being so tiny in that great big bed. She did AMAZING just to spite me and only got off the bed just one time to have a little whinge and then even took herself back to bed (who does that!) and fell asleep.

The next night I gave her the opportunity to return to the cot, but she clearly indicated to me she wanted back in the bed and now a couple of nights later when I take her into her room she points in that direction and says "bed" muffled by her dummy, but is still very clear as to what she is saying.

So as I struggle with this change within myself I question my decision about whether or not to have any more babies! Deep down I know I could have 2 or 10 and I would still have these feelings about letting go of my baby as we move through the long list of last times. 

And I sit here and think... How come no one ever tells you about this "stage" you go through as a parent? But I really think it is one of those things that you really can't understand the feeling until you go through it yourself. I reflect on my years as a Daycare Educator and think about the children I cared for and their parents and how I would watch as they struggled with this same thing... their baby developing into a little boy or girl and how I used to think "Why wouldn't you want to see them succeeding and mastering new skills". 
I can now say I GET IT!

Please tell me I am not alone!!!

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